An ironic thought came to me this morning as the warm refreshing water of my shower was running over my face. Every thing in life comes in full circle. I realized the people who hurt you the most, are the ones who end up needing you the most later. You go on, damaged and dismembered, however you heal. And when you rejuvenate and restore you rebuild yourself, stronger and more durable than ever. But the person who inconsiderably crushed you remains the same. They go on unchanged, they don’t endure the pain or the perplexity of the situation.
I know it’s always told to kids growing up not to bully others and what not. I was bullied in high school because my dad was the principal of the school, and I of course was geeky and different. My priorities, and the way I was raised, were vastly different from the people that surrounded me. I got made fun of for wearing different clothes (quite frankly they just didn’t know fashion), how skinny I was, for being smart, and “white-washed.” I remember very distinctly how I felt through out those years. I always thought my parents didn’t understand, because they always told me everything would be okay and those people were jealous. I would try to comprehend what my mom was saying, and think what they had to be jealous of. I started believing who I was, and had been up until that point, was wrong and not good enough. I always wanted to conform to become like the rest of them however my parents never let me. They continued to encourage me to do things that no one else did, and go places none of them would. I can not thank my parents enough for preserving my identity through these few years where I did not feel good enough; because now my differences are seen as ambition, success and happiness. I got to go away for university, I accomplished so much and have become so selfless. I love doing things for other people, and I try to give my heart to every human I encounter. The people that made me feel so little on the other hand, are still sitting in my small town. With the same friends, doing the same things they have been their whole lives. Its ironic that the guys who use to call me “pencil dick” now want to be with me… how does that work? The way you make people feel will never leave them. I will never forget the way I felt at that time. I do forgive them though, with my whole heart. Hate and anger will consume me. I have let it go, I just find it facetious. No, I don’t want you now. I am better now, and I want something real. I want someone to love me for my mind, for my uniqueness and for who I am.
I always care too much, for once I want someone else to care just as much.